I just saw The Vow...
I'm staying with my married friend and her hubby...
It's hard to not fall into that "where's my knight in shining armor and happily ever after" or I want a head-over-heels kind of love, mind-frame.
As I digest the stimuli, memories, and thoughts that surround me right now, I keep remembering that I don't really know what a knight or head-over-heels love is. In Corinthians 13 it gives the definition of a true, great love and in 1 John I read that GOD IS LOVE.
Alas my heart so desperately wants to know that someone is thinking about me, cares about me, and wants to hear my voice everyday. I want a physical human being to fit this description but these expectations may be too high. I know love is not a check list of qualifications that is completed on time every time like I try to turn it into.
I have a new years goal of learning how to love and I have discovered that first I need to unlearn what I think, have seen, and been told about what love is! How great it would be to have a fairy tale life but how boring and unexciting it would be. I would take for granted all the greatness my fairy tale life would give me. I would never truly know what great love is without the struggles to find it.
I grow in knowledge daily, if I put my own desires on the back burner, of the love God has for me. Parents, friends, and boyfriends will CONSTANTLY let me down. That's the beauty of God, I wouldn't need him as much if humans were always building me up and meeting my expectations. I can't be hard on them and on myself when expectations aren't met, I have to let go and let God and that's an easier said than done thought.
I hear songs on the radio and think that in some way that song is a worship song from my heart to God. This week my song is Foreigner's "I Want to Know What Love Is". The song is not meant to be worshipful but the lyrics cry out to God (ok it's probably sung to a girl but girls have crazy notions about love that I wouldn't trust). In all reality I don't want some boy to teach me how to love because I know what is truly on his mind and it doesn't end happily ever after for my heart, at least I haven't seen it happen yet.
I want the essence of love to teach me, to guide and instruct me to love, others and myself. I follow a jealous God and I truly believe that my heart wants a jealous love. A love of someone who fights for and desires my affection.
So all you lucky ones who are getting flowers or chocolates for Valentines Day, I'm getting a beautiful sunset and sparkling stars that were created just for me. And for you as well.
I'll remind myself not to be disappointed that my own romantic expectations were not met with dinner and a movie (and maybe a ring...ok a girl can hope!) because in all reality the universe was given to me out of a romantic love from my own heavenly bridegroom!
I gotta take a little time
A little time to think things over
I better read between the lines
In case I need it when I'm older
Aaaah woah-ah-aah
Now this mountain I must climb
Feels like a world upon my shoulders
And through the clouds I see love shine
It keeps me warm as life grows colder
In my life there's been heartache and pain
I don't know if I can face it again
Can't stop now, I've traveled so far
To change this lonely life
I wanna know what love is
I want you to show me
I wanna feel what love is
I know you can show me
Aaaah woah-oh-ooh
I'm gonna take a little time
A little time to look around me, oooh ooh-ooh ooh-ooh oooh
I've got nowhere left to hide
It looks like love has finally found me
In my life there's been heartache and pain
I don't know if I can face it again
I can't stop now, I've traveled so far
To change this lonely life
I wanna know what love is
I want you to show me
I wanna feel what love is
I know you can show me
I wanna know what love is
I want you to show me
And I wanna feel, I want to feel what love is
And I know, I know you can show me
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